Prose

This is a prose writing that I did that my husband said I should post on here. I haven't blogged in ages--obviously--but I am willing to share this.

Mourning

The house was silent, all of her visitors had left. The only light in the room came from the half-moon shining through the window. It felt good to be alone after being surrounded by people all day long. The kind words and condolences were meant well, and were sincere but she wanted none of it. She wanted to hear the voice of her father again, to hear his perfect-pitch whistle again. She didn’t want people to tell her that it would be okay, that life would move on and the pain would ease with time. The world felt like it moved in fast forward around her, like she couldn’t quite get her body to move in sync with reality. Her eyes drooped with fatigue as she stared at the light in the sky but they never quite shut as she watched the moon set and the sun rise.

The next few months were filled with fake smiles, shopping to fill time, and declining invitations to parties as often as she could get away with it. It seemed that everyone wanted to pull her out of mourning, what no one realized was that she had made it a way of life. It had become comfortable to feel pain, the emotions that shut out the pain angered her. Happiness filled her with guilt, it had only been four months since her father’s passing, she shouldn’t be laughing and smiling yet. It was supposed to hurt forever when you lost someone.

During this self-imposed solitude she shut out the world, grateful for the silence that allowed the pain to swarm her. At times she would sit in an empty room and remember and cry. With no one around it was easier to let the tears fall, easier to give in to the grief that lived like a rock in her chest. But all those that have mourned come to realize that it is not an eternal state of being. At some point something happens to break the cycle, or you become too lost to even function. And where, you might ask, did the situation arise to snap her out of her grief? One did not. She did not snap, it happened little by little with the help of others, and the attention and love of those close to her. It is not good to not live your life because someone you love was unable to live theirs.

Grumpy-Muffin no more

SO in the last few weeks I have been trying something new, to fight the grumpy-muffins. Every night, before I go to bed, I have to tell my husband one thing that I like about him, and I have to tell him one thing that I like about me. And I write one thing, in my journal, one good thing, about my day, and one blessing. They sound about the same sometimes, but they are great things. And they take away the grumpy-muffins, even when I have a migraine, I look through out my day form something that I can share with my husband, and something to write in my journal. I feel calmer, and better about myself. I fell better about my husband, and my life. I am more content, even with just this simple change.

2012

This too was saved in drafts so I will post it too.

So, it is the beginning of the last year of the universe. Very exciting. But then the world was supposed to end a few times last year, so I am not too worried about it. I am in school once again, and it is the second week and I am already stressed. I had a test yesterday. On a Saturday, some of you may ask, and yes, I would say, because I procrastinated and took it at the last minute. I did poorly on it, but I did pass it. My schedule is hectic, but I am trying to smooth it out.

Stress is not a four letter word, but it should be

This was a post that I started, thought I might post it.

So I have just realized that my plan for this semester may have been a bad idea, not to mention the fact that I do not adapt well to change. Especially if I have made my mind up to do something. It is such a dumb thing to be stressed over, but for one of my classes I have to fill out a grad plan, in eight semesters. Only, I can't graduate in eight semesters unless I take 20 credits a semester, which, emotionally and mentally I can't do. SO I dropped a class.

I am a Grumpy-muffin, so there....

So this last week I have been a crazy person. Rude to a lot of people, especially my poor husband, whom I love dearly. I am a grump--it is a comfortable state for me. And today I am going to explain a little bit about why this last month has been so trying.

Aside from trying to go gluten and lactose free and my favorite foods being brownies and ice cream, we have been doing tests. Three blood tests in total. One I hate needles, and two, I hate waiting, and waiting is what comes after tests. Plus I have to wait until certain times to do the tests, so it has been a month since we went to see the doctor the first time, and now that the blood tests are done she will be gone for the next week and a half. More waiting! Patience, let me tell you is not one of my virtues. And I can't see another doctor because she is the only one at the student health center who specializes in what we need. Getting in to see her is a trick, because she is only in the office on days that I work. And I am grumpy, and waiting, which makes me grumpy, and not sleeping because I am stressed, which makes me grumpy, and all of this culminates into explosions of emotion and yelling and crying. Add in homework, and exams, and midterms coming up and you get a girl who can't keep her house clean, because she is always tired and always has something more important. How never gets her homework done, because she would rather watch TV. And a girl who rationalizes it all so that none of it is her fault.

This week I am a wreck of mass proportions. And I just wish my doctor would get back so that I can find out what is wrong, that midterms would magically take care of themselves, and that I could go visit my mom and give her a hug. And today I am grumpy! (in case I didn't mention that.)

But on a happier note, I get to go to Olive Garden tonight with my coworkers. And my coworkers are great, and Olive Garden is yummy, and my husband is coming too, and he makes me happy. So, maybe this grumpy thing is possible to live through, I just needed to voice a bit of frustration to the ether. 

Gluten-Free deliciousness

So, my hubby and I have discovered a beautiful restaurant in IF. it is called Lucy's Pizzaria. It claims Authentic New York Style pizza, and according hubby, it is true. Also, almost everything they serve comes with a gluten free option! Let me tell you I have never enjoyed eating out so much in my life! 

 This is a gluten free pizza topped with artichokes, mushrooms, black olives and bacon! so good!

And for dessert, a 5x5 square of G-F brownie topped with ice cream and dark chocolate sauce! Needless to say, we will be going back!

Thankful

So it is nearing Thanksgiving. And it is indeed a time to be thankful. So, I will make a list, because one can never have enough lists.

1. I am thankful for a wonderful husband who takes care of me.

2. Niquil because it helps me sleep when I cannot breath.

3. Friends who make me smile, and keep me going

4. Eternal families

5. Hope, because sometimes that is all that keeps me from going insane.

6. Love, because life would not be the same without it.

7. Nanowrimo, because even though I am 5,000 words behind, it still gives me something to look forward to every year.

8. Work, because it is hard to find something that you love to do, that works around your school schedule. 

9. School, I love to learn, and school affords such a wonderful opportunity.

10. Family, especially my mother, who is always there for me.

11. Fiction, because it makes life so much more entertaining.

12. Holidays, because they bring families together

13. Libraries, because of free books! even if you do have to give them back

14. Pray, because pray is truly answered, and it makes life easier to get through, it makes my attitude better.

15. Computers and internet. Because instant communication with some one other than God is also amazing!